and feeling list
How it is…What
Mission Statement for the Couplehood
The Entanglement Checklist
have illusions about feelings. I am going to make some true and
false statements and I would like you to answer them in your journal.
feelings is a sign of weakness.
feelings are better than others.
is not masculine for males to express feelings.
you express anger, you will become out of control.
are less important than thoughts.
is experienced only when we make physical love.
who don’t talk about feelings do not have any.
not okay to angry with someone you love because this will
mean you do not love them.
you express feelings, you will be hurt, criticized, misunderstood
or rejected by others.
Pictures and Feeling List
we usually say as feeling statements
think I am afraid of you.
feel that you’re not spending enough time with me.
feeling is that you’re a jerk.
these tears don’t make any sense.
lot of people come into therapy saying they don’t know how they
feel. This comes from the way we were brought up.
for feeling other than happy or being easy
to stop feeling sorry for yourself
in the home were mostly destructive and hurtful
hold emotions in our bodies and we must become aware of where
they are and what are the words that comes with the feelings.
- throat, belly, chest lump, pressure, empty
- back of neck, head tension in temples
- belly, head, chest shortness of breath
- feelings, genitals, lower belly fullness, good achy,
- chest area, eyes expansive, glowing, bubbly
out these questions in your journal and answer…take some time.
you favor certain emotions?
are easier to express?
do you think is the easiest for your partner?
do you think is more difficult for your partner?
and listen. This is a time to understand active listening. Explain...
act out feeling and have the partner respond verbally…then switch.
Remember to answer in I statements.
Sad..act it out…then partner might say something
like…"I can feel myself wanting to comfort you."
can see you are really afraid and I don’t know what to do."
feel you are mad at me. I feel mad at you for being annoyed."
which ones are hard for you to respond.
TELLING THE TRUTH
back and forth with these exercises. About every 2 to 5 minutes
about anything in the moment. "A" speaks, then "B".
about your body experiences in the moment.
awareness. Close your eyes. Listen to what your partner is
saying to you about their experience. This is about hearing
your partner and honoring your own experience. Can I be myself
and still be with my partner?
into your partners eyes
journal…a list of what is essential to you in a relationship.
A partner who:
willing to look at issues and not blame.
a sense of humor.
excited about life.
a deep commitment to growth.
tasks at home.
How it is…What I want materials
things, relationships, money and Sex.
it is… is that I am angry at always cooking. What I want
is for you to cook at least twice a week.
it is… is that the back door is broken. What I want is for
it to be fixed.
it is… is that I feel hurt that you have your money and
I have mine and we don’t share as one. What I want is that we
begin to have one account…not your account and our account at
it is… is that I am much too tired to have make love at
night all the time. What I want is to make love in the morning…to
take the time for longer and more sweet love making.
back and forth 5 times each… "I am willing to get close to
you". Each time you say this back and forth, notice how you
feel. Then "I choose to be close to you, to tell you all
my feelings, to tell the truth and keep agreements."
say.. "I am willing to clear up any obstacles to us getting
close in a way that is totally friendly".
Separate…or getting Space
signs: turning the back on the partner, shutting the eyes when
the other is speaking, walking away when partner is in mid-sentence,
sighing or rolling the eyes, interrupting, tensing up and holding
the breath. Any more?
Statement for the Couplehood
the Heart and the Body
write out how your partner is now pleasing you. " I feel
loved and cared about when you……."
you used to do. "I used to feel loved and cared about
would like you to…"
combine the lists and prioritize which is the most important
to least and compare.
ways to Romance
Sex.. sensate focus, How it is and What you want.
is the key. Beyond just sharing thoughts and feelings is this
deep recognition of another person's being. It is the basis of
companionship, a deep connectedness. This is looking into your
partners eyes, seeing your beloved, know that together you are
becoming the "best you can be"…that is the ultimate